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Alicia & Swizz & Healthy Relationships

November 11, 2010

I just adore Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats’ public display of what a healthy relationship looks like. Many times, a photo can not always tell the truth but in their case, I beg to differ. They appear to have an astonishing love and admiration for one another and I can dig it.

Let’s define a healthy relationship:

1. Love yourself and be content with yourself first – Never expect someone or a romantic relationship to keep you happy.

2. Know that you must be patient to get to know someone – Don’t rush sex.

3. Respect you and your partners differences – No two people are alike, be clear with your partner about what you want and what you are willing to give. ie. Exclusive Relationship etc.

4. Communicate – This can be hard for shy or reserved people, it can also be tough for angry people also. When communicating likes and dislikes, it is important to respect your partners feelings and accept how they feel about things. Similarly, it is important to have understanding and then drawing either a resolution or comfort with honesty. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can’t always have both. Most people argue to be “right” about something. They say. “If you loved me, you would…” and argue to hear the other say, “Okay, you’re right.” If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences. If you can’t reach any mutual agreement, that doesn’t mean either of you is wrong or bad, it only means you don’t suit each other.

5. Don’t try to control – In many situations, people can be insecure about something within themselves or they have experienced a relationship where they weren’t loved appropriately. As a result, people tend to make demands and following this they distrust if you don’t “obey” them. This is a bad sign, you can either assure them that a healthy relationship is what you want and what you need. Trust is the first thing that should happen during friendship or part ways to save yourself the heartbreak.

6. Be Honest – Never hide silly things from your partner because you think they will get upset. Being honest shows respect of someones feelings and actually shows how much you care about them.

7. Do something nice for your partner out of love not out of greed – The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work: a person is less likely to notice and value all the contributions of their partner as much as their own.

8. Forgiveness – It is important to forgive your partner. I think this is so fulfilling as a person. Once you let go and move forward, you know true wisdom. People are forever changing, therefore you must understand that although we make mistakes, we learn and grow from them. Keep growing. Forgive each other. Just don’t take advantage of true love when you have it.

9. Be Responsible – As you get older, you take on adult responsibilities that take money management. Also, you don’t want to be a person that is not of your word. It is very imperative to have the ability to respond.

10. Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations – including acceptable and unacceptable behavior and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Make sure you don’t expect your partner to fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work — and will create derailments.

11. Appreciation – It is important to not take advantage of your partner and to appreciate everything you have.

12. Date – You must go out and celebrate each others love. Always court each other. Surprise each other and keep things fresh.


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